Are you feeling like being a nice mom is extra hard lately? Or maybe you just want away from your kids all the time. It’s hard to know how to fix the “problem” if you don’t know the cause of it. Let’s explore the difference between an overstimulated mom and a burnt out mom.
Overstimulated Mom
An overstimulated mom has had too much sensory input and therefore feels off her game. She may shut down and have a hard time getting herself to do anything or she may be in a heightened state of mind. This may appear as easily agitated, touched out, wanting to get away from the situation, etc.
This is a physiological response in the body. Picture this: you have five cups sitting in front of you all different sizes. Each cup represents one of your five senses: auditory, visual, touch, smell, and taste. (We actually have eight senses, but we can talk about the other three another day.) As we go about our day we have input from the outside world adding to these cups. When we have an empty cup or an overflowing cup, it causes alarm to our body.
This state of alarm is what we refer to as overstimulated or disregulated. Our body automatically goes into fight, flight, or freeze. We need to address the bodies nervous system and the actual inputs to go back to a normal or regulated state.
Burnout Mom
She may appear cranky and needing a break too. So how do we tell the difference? She may be exhausted, resentful, and have lots of thoughts about all the things she has to do. There are many ways to show burnout.
Her exhaustion comes from her mental health rather than a physiological response. She may have a storm of thoughts about her life that drain her energy.
Self-Care
Both moms can use self-care to help them overcome either burnout and/or overstimulation. By self-care, I am refering to listening to what your body needs right now. Ask yourself the question, “What do I need right now?” The answer could be anything. A break from the kids, a healthy meal, to move my body, take a nap, a hug, acknowledge me as a person, etc.
The more you listen to your body’s needs the easier this skill becomes. Don’t be discouraged if it seems difficult at first. Don’t judge what you need and allow yourself to say “I don’t know.” You do know, but most of us have suppressed it a long time. It takes time to recognize those needs.
Mindset Evaluations
Examing what you are thinking is a great way to work on burnout. You can do this by hiring a life coach, like myself, or doing some self coaching. To self coach simply write down everything on your mind. Then take a few thoughts, circumstances, or feelings and create some models. (For more info on the model check out this blog post.)
Question if the thought is true? Is it true all the time? How might someone think the opposite is true? This is called playing with your model. It helps you reevaluate if you like this mindset that you have. No judgement needed here either. You may decide to keep this thought/mindset or that it is silly. The choice is yours and there isn’t a right or wrong answer.
Sensory Breaks
For overstimulation, you can evaluate your five senses and see which one(s) you are getting too much or little of. For example, when my house is cluttered. The kids are crying or fighting. I am overwhelmed by visual and auditory stimulation. If you have a kid hanging on you at the same time, that could be too much touch.
Sometimes stepping away from the situation can help calm your nervous system back down. Sometimes it may take more than that. Earlier this year I went on a four day girls trip. Something that doesn’t happen often. After day three, I realized I started to feel different (in a good way). I realized that I was living in a state of overstimulation. My body doesn’t get a chance to calm all the way down on a regular basis. Once my body was regulated and I went back home, I was much more patient and I enjoyed my kids again. An Occupational Therapist who specializes in Sensory Differences could help you with this.
Once we start to notice what triggers us, we can be proactive instead of reactive. For instance, I know the noise while I prep dinner can send me into disregulation most nights. I started wearing ear plugs as I prep dinner. I also try to have my home tidied before dinner, so I don’t have the extra stimulation from the clutter. Everyone is different, so there is no on size fits all solution. You just have to play around with it.
If you are haveing a hard time telling if it’s burnout, overstimulation, or both, sign up for a free discovery call. Where we can work thru it together and start with some ideas on how to work on it.
Until Next Time
-Keira
