Did you know that you can create the life you want by using this one life coaching tool? I have been using it for four plus years and its still the tool I use at least weekly, usually daily. It only takes a few minutes, and my kids can even interrupt me while I work on it.
The Tool
I learned this tool from my life coach. My life coach learned it from Brooke Castillo who founded The Life Coach School. Brooke calls this tool the Model aka C-T-F-A-R. This is the basic tool I use with all my clients for every problem or goal they bring me.
How the Tool Can Help
Feeling stressed about finances? The tool works! Having relationship problems with your spouse or in-laws? The tool helps with that too! Feeling resentment towards your family? It works here too! Feeling stuck or bored in life? Yep, it works there too! Need parenting help? Also helps here! Feeling lost and lonely, needing a purpose in life outside your kids? You got it, it works here too!
With the Model I’m going to teach you to compassionately explore your brain. Because when we understand what our brains are doing, we become empowered beyond measure!
The Model
So the model or C-T-F-A-R is simple to learn. Find a specific example of how this thing is showing up in your life and find the five components of the model.
C is for Circumstances
Circumstances are the facts that everyone in the world could agree upon. My husband said these exact words. I have a medical diagnosis of anxiety. I live with my spouse and four kids in a one bedroom apartment. Dishes are in the sink at 9:00 P.M.
T is for Thought
The thought is one sentence that you think about the circumstance. Don’t make it a compound sentence. That is your brain trying to trick you into more than one thought. Don’t judge yourself for your thoughts. We need them to feel comfortable coming up, so we can examine them. Also if you have a question, answer it. Write down the answer as your thought.
F is for Feeling
When you think your thought what are you feeling? This should be a one word emotion. If you end up with a sentence, it is another thought.
A is for Action
Write down anything you did or didn’t do during this circumstance. It may be physical or what is happening in your brain. This is the one area where more is better. The more you can come up with, the easier it is to get your result.
R is for Result
The result is what you are creating in your life. Not if your kids, spouse, or anyone else changed or not. Not if the world has changed. You look back over your model and see what result you are creating in your life.
An Example from My Life
C: Husband sends texts and emails on phone after work.
T: He should put his phone away and be present with us.
F: Annoyed
A: Finish dinner on my own, not ask him about his day, don’t ask him for help, be short with my kids, tell them to go play and leave me alone while I cook, think about how he is at home but still working, listen to my earbuds, get annoyed when he mentions his work day, I do the minimal amount of talking necessary at dinner
R: I am not being present with my family.
Exploring your model
Now that you have a complete model, explore it with compassion. If I look at my model, I think I am annoyed because my husband isn’t being present and connecting with me. But if I look at my actions, I’m not creating connection in my own life. This becomes the best news ever! Because I don’t have the secret code to change my husband, but I do have power to change what I am doing.
Exploring Options
How might life look if I allow myself to feel curiosity at his phone use? I might wonder why he is still on his phone. Maybe work is extra chaotic for him today. Then I might feel compassion for him. Out of compassion, I might ask him about his day. Or tell him it’ll be 15 minutes before dinner is ready, if he needs to go somewhere quiet to finish up. All while saying yes the little girl who wants to help me make dinner. Or maybe I ask for some help setting the table from my kiddos. And sometimes we decide we like the result we are getting. Or that keeping a model is ok with you, its not really a problem.
Extra Help
If you want extra help learning how to coach yourself with the model you can Free Self Coaching Worksheet. If you have questions schedule a free Explore Coaching Call and I’d love to help you figure it out. There are lots of areas where we can coach ourselves. But every once in awhile, we are too close and we need someone else to take a look at it. Or if you want to fast track your progress, then that’s when you would hire a coach.
How often should I use the Model to self coach?
When I went to The Life Coach School, Brooke recommended sitting down to self coach everyday. It can be part of your routine every morning. Writing it down tends to get the best results. But I spend many trips to the bus stop, stirring dinner, or right after a disagreement with my husband creating a model in my mind. It might start with why did it bother me that… You can do this anywhere, anytime. It has been life changing for me to simply know why I take the actions I do and how to change them if I want to. Best of luck creating the life you want with the model.
