Do your kiddos get along great playing for awhile and then all of sudden it breaks loose? They start nit picking eaching other and fighting. What in the world? Why can’t they just get along? I know this happens with my kiddos alot! Please tell me I’m not alone in this.
Why Kids Fight
As adults, we expand and contract in our relationships naturally. You or your spouse might go to work for awhile and then we come back home to your family. Or you might work on a project together for part of the day and then run errands independent of each other.
Think of it with your friends. You might get the kids together for a play date or go out to lunch and then you go back to doing your life seperately.
Well what happens if that expansion (getting away from each other) and contraction (coming back together) doesn’t happen. Have you ever gone to see extended family where you all stay in the same house for an few days? It’s great in the beginning but by the end, you are sick of each other. Maybe think of your family all home during covid with no where to go.
We naturally need connection with people, usually our family, to thrive in life. But at the same time we all need autonomy. Both of these things can happen when we expand and contract. It’s when we aren’t expanding and contracting that problems arise.
Help Kids Not to Fight
As adults, we have learned to come and go as needed. Your children are still learning this skill. We have to help them expand and contract. So when they are playing legos together beautifully they are in a state of contraction. They are connecting with people in their world.
But when they start to fight, its a signal that what they need is to expand. Spread their wings and have some space of their own. Think send them outside to play or to do an activity on their own.
Then they eventually come to you bored with nothing to do. That can be a sign that they are ready to contract again. Get close with others and work on building those connections.
Watching for these signs and helping them change activities can eliminate a lot of the fighting.
Adult/Child Interactions
You might also notice it when you start to get grumpy. You’ve been with the kids all day and now you are grumpy with them. Is that a sign you need to expand and take a break for a few minutes?
Remember its all a natural part of life. It’s not right or wrong to need a change. Give it a try and let me know how it works for you.
Until Next Time
-Keira
