Do you ever have those moments when you just don’t feel good enough regardless of what you do? For me the thoughts include things like: The family finances are lacking my attention. Kids need me more. I should be teaching all of these life skills. I should be happier. What’s wrong with me. My children would do better if I volunteered at the school more. I shouldn’t need my partner to fulfill me. Why don’t I have more friends. If only I could loose this weight and get back in shape. Overwhelm just go away for a day, please! And the list goes on and on.
Today I want to share four skills that I have learned that help me overcome this feeling of not being good enough. You can implement all six at once or work on one at a time.
1. Remember where your worth comes from
Did you know
what you do or don’t do doesn’t make you more worthy or not. You are just as loveable and good of person if you sit on the couch all day or if you do all the perfect parenting. But we live in a society that tells us being productive makes us more valuable. That is a belief system I had to let go of.
Knowing that my value comes from just being a human being makes me good enough. It doesn’t matter how horrible of a mom or lazy I was today. I am still valuable and loveable. Think about it this way. Picture a brand new baby that just lays there all day eating and sleeping. Is that baby valuable and loveable? Of course they are! So at what age do they loose their value? We don’t. We are always valuable and loveable.
2. Don’t Should Yourself
Now that you know you are valuable no matter what, you can drop the case of the shoulds. How often do you tell yourself, “I should be_______” All the shoulds add up often leaving us feeling inadequate. What if we just decided to never tell ourselves that “I should _______” again. What if we just did things because we wanted to do them. And if we don’t want to do them, that is ok too.
You’re probably thinking but Keira there are things I “should” be doing that I don’t want to be doing. Lets take a closer look. One I often told myself before this work is I should go make dinner. If I examine this closer, I actually do want to feed my children and husband most nights of the week. This means, I do want to make dinner. It may not be enjoyable, but owning that I want to do it changes how I feel about doing it.
Some nights I decide I don’t want to make dinner. These nights I may decide to eat in town or let my kids fix themselves cold cereal. And guess what? It’s totally fine that I don’t want to make dinner. My kids have a 100% success rate at finding themselves their own dinner so far on those nights. In fact, they think its fun to have cereal for dinner sometimes.
3. Embrace the I’m not good enough
A lot of times, we try to talk ourselves out of not feeling good enough. We remind ourselves of all the ways we are a good mom or person. Only when we try resist feeling crappy, its like trying to shove a beach ball under the water. It’s really hard to do and it eventually comes back up. Usually at high speeds that may even hurt us.
So what if instead we just felt that feeling of inadequacy. (If you need a reminder on how to feel your emotions check out this blog post.) Most emotions last for 90 seconds if we allow them. Then they may come and go like waves on the beach, but they tend to get smaller and smaller each time you just allow them. Now we’ve dealt with the emotion and avoided the intensity of that beach ball forcing itself out of the water into our face.
4. Acknowledge that You Aren’t Good Enough
Often when things sting us, its because we believe there to be a part of it that is true. Let’s take the thought that I’m not a good enough mom for example. Do I believe that I am a good mom. Most of the time I think I’m doing pretty good for what I am dealing with. I am doing my best with the resources I have.
But yes deep down I believe there are times when I could do it better. I could be more patient. Work with my neurodivergent kids more on their social skills. Take time to spend one on one with my neurotypical kiddos. The list could keep going and going.
So instead of trying to resist the fact that I’m not good enough, what if I just became okay with that fact. That I’m not the perfect mom. That I never will be and that’s ok because I’m valuable and loveable during it all.
When you are ready for help feeling good enough about yourself, book a free discovery call. We can sit down and come up with a personalized plan for you. I look forward to visiting with you!
Until Next Time
-Keira
