Do you feel like a door mat? Everyone else gets what they want or need, but you are just there to fulfill their wishes? Maybe you need to set some boundaries.
Why You Might Need Boundaries
But let’s back track a little bit. Isn’t it your job as the parent to give everyone what they need? Aren’t you supposed to give your all for your children, spouse, and extended family?
No, it is not your job to run yourself down for the sake of everyone else. Yes you can do things for them out of love, but you need to have some self love in the mix as well. Moms need rest sometimes, their own things, and personal space. It isn’t selfish to need something for yourself and ask for it.
The definition of selfish is to intentionally hurt someone for your own gain. My guess is that doesn’t describe you. Yes sometimes people get hurt unintentionally, but you don’t go around looking for people to hurt for your own gain.
It’s okay to need some boundaries mama! Maybe you need to not be yelled at by your children, not have grandparents compare your kids to others, or be treated better by your spouse. Perhaps you just need a little personal space while you eat your dinner.
What is a Boundary
Most people believe that a boundary is something you set so other people won’t or will do something. Let’s think about this a little differently. A boundary is what you are going to do in a certain situation. Sometimes it isn’t even necessary for the other person to be told of your boundary.
Let’s say you have family members who are yelling at you and you decide you deserve better treatment. You set a boundary by deciding what you will do the next time this happens. For example, when your kids yell at you, you may walk out of the room or not respond until they use a calm voice.
This empowers you with your boundary. You take back your control by walking out of the room or not engaging in the conversation.
Examples of Boundaries
Let’s examine the idea that you want to eat your own dinner without sharing it with toddlers who crawl on your lap. What would this boundary look like? It may look like eating at a different time than your children. Or if kids start crawling on you or taking your food, then you may take your dinner to your bedroom and lock them out.
Or let’s say your mother-in-law always compares your children to other grandchildren. You have decided you don’t think this is healthy for your children to hear. What kind of boundary can you set?
Maybe you set a boundary that when she starts comparing them you leave. This may be a boundary that you would want to discuss ahead of time and not in the heat of the moment. You could let mother-in-law know that if this happen, you will take the children somewhere else. You don’t need her buy-in to maintain your boundary, because you are the one taking action when it is violated.
Are you thinking this will never work with my situation? Schedule a free consultation call with me and together we can explore how you want your boundaries to look.
Until Next Time
-Keira
