Are you feeling frustrated with something in your life right now and you feel helpless about changing it? Maybe your child has been given a diagnosis, you are struggling in your marriage, you can’t seem to keep up on the housework because of the kids, etc. Did you know there is a simple hack to reset your brain around these situations, therefore ending up happier. Read on to find out how to change your story which will change your life. All without changing the actual circumstances or other people in the story.
Step 1: The Current Story
Write the current story you are telling yourself about your life. Give it a title like you would find in a newspaper. One sentence describing your life (or abut this challenge). It might sound like “Mom can’t keep up with four kids,” “Couple Struggling to find happiness in marriage,” or “Mom Overwhelmed by Child on the Autism Spectrum.” Then tell the story as it plays out in your head right now.
Step 2: Evaluate the Story
Pick out the facts of your story. The things you could prove in a court of law or everyone agrees on. Spoiler alert… there wont be as many as your brain thinks there are.
Let’s explore one of my stories titled, “There is only one of me and four of them.” In this story there is a stay at home mom with four kiddos ages 5 to 12. One is autistic, another ADHD, one with social anxiety, and one that feels left out. Mom spends all her time taking kids to specialist, fighting the school for help, and cleaning up after little people who don’t care if the house is a mess or not. She is overworked, exhausted, lonely, and sick and tired of trying to clean up after four extra people when she is just one person. She can’t keep up.
Let’s find the facts: There is a mom, four kiddos ages 5-12, diagnoses of Autism, ADHD, and Social Anxiety. That’s it. See all the embellishments that my brain added to the story.
Now you get to decide if that story is helping you live the life you want or not. For me, its not. I don’t like feeling used and resentful. It’s pretty disempowering to me.
Step 3: Rewrite the Story
Now simply rewrite the story using the facts and what you want to think about it. My story might go something like this:
Mom Teaching Her Children to Become Functioning Adults in the Future
Mom of four kiddos ages 5-12 years old. Two are neurodiverse and one has anxiety. She is modeling and teaching them how to advocate for their own needs and how to get help when needed. Mom is teaching them life skills at home that will benefit them when they are grown and move out. She is learning to appreciate the messes as they represent the people she loves. Each mess is another opportunity for her kids to practice taking care of themselves or serving someone else.
Step 4: Watch How the New Story Changes Your Life
You may need to write the title of your new story on a post it note and set somewhere you will see it often. And/or maybe retell the new story to yourself several times a day. But as your brain starts to accept that new story, sit back and watch your life change without changing anything.
In my story: I stopped resenting my kids. When I didn’t resent them, I wasn’t always on the look out for how they were making more messes for me to clean up. When I wasn’t always annoyed at them making messes, I could observe the fun they were having and enjoy their cute little smiles and giggles. I started noticing when they got along or picked up after themselves. I enjoy my children more even though I am still doing the same tasks day in and day out. Everything changed without changing a single physical thing in my life. I didn’t change my kids, make my husband clean more, or hire out help. But I gave myself more enjoyment in life by rewriting my story.
If you need help creating a new story, hop on a Complimentary Discovery Call. I’d love to help you rewrite your story and find more happiness.
Until Next Time
-Keira
Want more resources, check out my free Self Discovery for Mamas Workbook.
