Do you feel like you can’t be yourself around others? Is it exhausting to be around certain people? Let’s learn about self authenticity and quit people pleasing. Having self authenticity can bring peace and joy to your life.
What Self Authenticity Does Not Look Like
I find myself adapting to the people around me. I’ve always been friends with everyone. While I think that’s a nice quality, it comes at a cost to myself. Let me give you an example from my personal life. I have very kind in-laws. We are just on different sleeping schedules. I like to get up early and go to bed by 9:00. They sleep in and stay up late, often not eating until 9:00. When we go to their house, I try to adapt to their schedule. I end up with a migraine due to a lack of sleep and regular meals. My kids are grumpy because they are tired and hungry. It’s hard to keep kids who wake up at 5 AM quiet for 3-4 hours in the morning, and my thoughts about that stress me out.
I got to where I resented my in-laws for their schedule. I also was judging them. It was affecting our relationship. I would show up fake. You know pretending it was ok to eat whenever and that it would be fine if my kiddos missed sleep. I was just trying to be agreeable.
But I was really pretending to be someone else! I don’t enjoy migraines, and so I prioritize sleep and regular meals. I don’t enjoy sitting around doing nothing. I don’t want to be starting a social activity at my kiddos bedtime. I wasn’t being authentic to myself.
It was exhausting! I always felt horrible physically when we went home. It took me several days to readjust to a routine that worked for me. Never mind all the mental drama I had going on in my head about it. It felt yucky!
What Self Authenticity Looks Like
After years of this, I found life coaching. Life coaching helped me rediscover myself and who I truly am. Now I know that neither way is the “right” way to live. My in-laws are productive and night and I am in the morning. I do my best work first thing in the morning. She does it later in the day.
So now, when I show up to their house we both do our schedule. It doesn’t mean we love each other less. I get up with my kids earlier and feed them breakfast. I’m not afraid to feed them and myself earlier for lunch or dinner if I need to. At a slightly later bedtime, I put my kiddos to bed even if others are still up and going strong. We might take the kids to the park or somewhere while they sleep. We both get to be our authentic self. Now when I go home, I’m not exhausted from pretending to be someone I’m not.
But I’m also allowing my in-laws to be their authentic selves too. We can show up as ourselves, and just love each other for who we are. It’s enjoyable when we are our authentic selves.
How to Become Your Authentic Self
To be your authentic self you have to stop lying to be kind. It isn’t kind to pretend to be someone who you aren’t. It isn’t kind to want people to change to make you feel better. So the first step to becoming your authentic self is be honest with yourself on what you want. You aren’t punishing others for having a different opinion. Just be aware of your desires without judging them.
Second, get your own back. This is saying no when you really don’t want to. Or giving your honest opinion when someone asks you what you want to do or eat. Maybe its wearing what you want to instead of trying to fit in with others’ styles, etc. The small desires are great ways to start building that self authenticity muscle.
Finally, love yourself thru the process. Nobody has to earn love. You are loveable just the way you are! Find all the things you love about you that make you you. Focus on those! If you are being your authentic self not everyone will be your person. But those that are your people will have a deeper connection with you because you are being your true real self. Go be your true real self!
When you reach that point on your journey where you are too close to the problem to see it, sign up for a Complimentary Discovery Call. On that call we can see if and how I can help you further on your journey!
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