Did Mother’s Day leave you feeling less than great? Maybe even a little traumatized. Everyone means well with all their fantastic mother stories and ideals. It can leave a girl feeling defeated because she doesn’t measure up to someone else’s mom. Lots of moms don’t like mother’s day for this reason and others. But you don’t have to feel this way. So let’s explore it a little deeper.
The Goal isn’t Perfection
For starters let’s explore this idea that some people’s moms are perfect. They have all these stories about how their mom never missed an activity or raised her voice, etc. But I personally don’t know a mom like that. Do you? Especially one that did all that and liked her life.
Everyone and everything in life is 50/50. Half the time you are killing it. Life is running great. You are patient, kind, and collected. The other half you’re the hot mess express. If you are anything like me, the hot mess express shows up more often when my kids are around. Just know that you are not the only mom who struggles to be the mom she thinks she should be. And it’s 100 percent normal to not be perfect at it all.
As a Christian, we believe the only perfect person to walk on this earth was Christ. So if you believe that, then you can let the guilt go for not being perfect.
What even is a Good Mom?
Another way to feel better after a rough Mother’s Day, is to intentionally look at your standards of a good mom. What does it mean to be a good mom? Make your answers based on what you do or don’t do rather than how your kids respond to you. For example, a good mom might teach her children. Rather than have children who know their manners. You can’t control what your kids do, but you can control how you behave.
No one else gets to decide for you personally on whether or not you’re being a good mom. You and you alone get to define that. Once you define that for yourself, it is easier to let other people’s opinions slide off your back. And if they don’t slide off your back super easily that is okay too.
For example, I have an autistic son. I have decided that as a mom I want to advocate for him and teach him social skills. But because of his autism, he doesn’t understand social skills in all situations. So when he is overstimulated and unable to behave as a “normal” child, others tend to have opinions. Opinions like he is just being obnoxious or my discipline is lacking.
Sometimes I can let it go and know that he is struggling in the moment. And that is okay. Other times I may agree with comments on some level and let them hurt my feelings. But if I just allow them to hurt and acknowledge that I agree, then I can allow the feelings that come. My body knows how to process those feeling if I don’t resist them.
For example, I may wonder if I discipline my son enough. Because I already doubt myself on some level, those comments can sting. There is nothing wrong with them stinging a bit unless I resist it by arguing against it. I might think things like they shouldn’t say such things or they have no idea what it is like to live his life. Have compassion with yourself as you feel down about it. It is normal and healthy to feel all kinds of emotions.
If you want help overcoming the trauma of Mother’s Day, I’d be glad to help you work through it. At times an outside set of eyes can make all the difference. Let me be those compassionate, loving eyes for you. Schedule a free 30 minute call to work on this with me. Simply click this link to gain access to my calendar. In the mean time you’ve got this mama! You are doing an amazing job and you are so loveable!
Until Next Time
-Keira
