What is a Relationship
Did you grow up learning that you can hurt other people’s feelings or make them feel better? Do you put pressure on yourself to help people feel a certain way? What if I told you that is wrong?
Instead, relationships are all about how we think about the other person. Think of someone who you have a great relationship with. What do you think about this person? My guess is you think great things about them.
Now what about someone you don’t get a long with? How do you think about them differently? Are those thoughts loving and kind? My guess is probably not.
Disclaimer
Now what I’m not saying is that it’s all your fault if a relationship is hard or strained. Or that it is your fault if you are being abused. I’m assuming you are in a healthy relationship. Abusive relationships are something that a therapist would help you with.
But I am saying that you have power to change your relationships without the buy in of the other person changing. Isn’t that fantastic! I don’t know about you, but I am tired of waiting on other people to change. They just don’t seem to have the same time line or priorities that I do.
Let’s give an example:
My relationship with my husband. When I am feeling amazed at the relationship we have, I am usually thinking something about how he’s such a great guy. Or that he does such a good job being there for his family.
On the other hand, I have moments when I think his job is more important to him than I am. I do not love the status of our relationship in these moments. The situation can even be the same and I can feel totally different about our relationship. He may not even know that our relationship went from fantastic to horrible because he isn’t home to see my moods change.
Can you see how my relationship with him is up to me and my thoughts about him?
Relationships and Feelings
You don’t always want to think all happy thoughts about your relationships either. Have you ever been around someone who is “happy” all the time whether they really are or not? It’s annoying, isn’t it? Authentic is something its not. Nor is it our goal as human beings to be happy all the time.
Feelings come in all sorts. One way you might refer to them is good and bad feelings. What happens if you never feel bad feelings? You loose appreciation for the good feelings. Having a range of emotions allows us to feel all the feelings on a deeper level making our lives richer.
So the next time you find yourself thinking about a relationship, take a moment to notice what you are thinking about the person. Is it affecting your relationship in the moment with them? Do you like where your relationship is with them?
For More Help
Need help working on a relationship with someone? Book a free consult call where we can start to explore all the dynamics of your relationship. Your relationship with your kids, spouse, friends, in-laws, mother, you name it. I’d love to help you get a deeper understanding on why it is the way it is.
Until Next Time
-Keira
