Do you ever feel unsettled, bored, resentful, or lonely as a stay at home mom? Life can be challenging as a stay at home mom. There are lots of things that seem very mundane and go unnoticed (unless you didn’t do it.) You find yourself possibly feeling resentful that everyone else get to go off to school and work while you stay home to wash the dishes and laundry for yet another day. What is the purpose of your life, you ask yourself. Yes, you know that you are raising kids and thats important work, but what are you outside of being a mother.
Perhaps you find yourself super unsettled at times and other times you feel good about your life. What do you do when you find yourself in the unsettled times of life? Do you wallow in self pity? Or perhaps you find yourself angry at the world and your family even though nobody really deserves it.
1. Ponder
Take time to ponder what is going on for yourself. What is it that is missing in your life right now. What is the underlying emotion to that anger? Anger is a secondary emotion meaning that it comes when an original emotion isn’t dealt with. Self-pity is considered an indulgent emotion. We don’t have to feel self pity, but we are choosing it.
There is nothing wrong with you for feeling self pity or anger. In fact, its very natural as human to have these emotions. But these emotions signal that it is a good time evaluate what is going on underneath for you. Ask yourself questions like: What is going on my love? If I had a magic wand and could have the perfect life, what would be different? Who am I resentful of and what is it that I’m envious that they have and I don’t?
2. Realize it is Neutral
Now that you know what is going on for you, I encourage you to just accept that it is the way it is. Maybe you are resentful because your husband gets to go to work with adults every day while you stay home cleaning up after toddlers. Did you know that your husband going to work just is. It is neither good or bad until you think about it.
One person may think it is fantastic for their husband to have a job, because they’ve been unemployed for six months. They may be thinking something like we are so blessed to have the financial means to provide for our family.
Another person may be devasted when their spouse goes to work because she doesn’t want to be alone with the children all day. She may be thinking that she wishes she had somewhere to go. These thoughts may leave her feeling lonely, desperate, or lost.
But unless everyone can agree on it, its your thoughts that create the thing as positive or negative. So can you think about the facts from all different angles to gently show your brain that they are neutral.
3. Sit with It
Now that you know what is bothering you and that it is neither good or bad, just sit with the emotions that are coming up for you. If you want detailed information on how to feel your feelings and what an emotion actually is, check out this blog post.
Can you just let that feeling be in your body. Does it have a name? Where is it in your body? How would you explain it to an alien that does not know how it feels. Do not be in a rush to make it go away. Just be willing to carry it around as long as neccessary. Can you do life with this emotion hanging out in the background? What does that look like?
4. Decide if You want to Change the Facts or Not
After you have pondered it, realized it’s neutral, and allowed the feeling to work through your body it is time to decide if it is serving you. You may find that first three steps resolve it for you. It may not solve it either.
This is when you get to look at how that thinking is showing up in YOUR life. Not how your kids are behaving or your spouse who is doing XZY, but how are you showing up when you think and feel this way.
Usually feeling of resentment, loneliness, and a general unsettled feeling does not leave you feeling empowered to create the life you want. Or to even dream of that life. So maybe you pick a different thought to think to redirect your mind to when this comes up for you.
For me I’ve noticed lately that my thought is “I don’t have a purpose in life” and “All I do is sit around wait for people to want to spend time with me.” These thoughts are definitely not serving me. I feel distraught, lonely, and angry. So after walking through the first steps, I am working on finding a believable thought to think instead. The one I am trying on right now is I always have a purpose in life.
It’s amazing the difference that results in my life when I think that instead. The last few days I was angry, bitter, and super lonely. I am not doing anything on my to do list, resenting my kids for the mess they leave, and wallowing in self pity.
Today I am intentionally thinking that I have a purpose. This is resulting in me getting my too do list done, feeling contentment, and not being angry. I am creating that purpose in my life from the things I am doing.
If you need help coming up with a new thought to think, sitting with your feelings, making the facts neutral, or even knowing what is bothering you, I’d love to help you walk through this process. You can do that by scheduling a free 30 minute call with me where we start unpacking this for you. I can’t wait to meet you and help you!
Until Next Time
-Keira
