Do you ever find yourself just on the edge of testy or angry at times. It seems like no matter what you do you can’t get all the way over it? Life just has to look at you wrong and you are ready to explode?
I find myself there at times and I don’t know how to get rid of it. I don’t enjoy living a grumpy life. Sometimes it turns out I was just hungry, tired, or needing a break. But other times if stop to do my mental health work like I know I should, it turns out to be something else all together going on.
Anger is a Secondary Emotion
You see anger is what we call a secondary emotion. It comes second in our lives to another emotion. So that is the crux we need to get to the bottom of to dispell the anger. Let me give you an example:
So lately, I’ve been testy and irritable like I do. No patience with my family. I thought it was because I have a cold and don’t feel well. But turns out after some self reflection and journaling today that is stems from loneliness.
You see I live 10 hours from my family and we are headed into winter. Wyoming winters means we don’t travel, because you never know when you are going to be snowed out or in. Then roads close often and is unpredictable. So here I sit with my loneliness and anxiety over the roads. But I don’t want to feel those emotions, so I push them. I keep telling myself the weather is good today. We aren’t going to dwell on what we can’t control.
Repressed Emotions
But the outcome of that for me is repressed emotions. It’s like that beach ball shoved under the water waiting to pop back up in my face. Well it’s popped back up out of the water and it wasn’t pretty. I may have lost my temper on my family. I may have picked a fight with my spouse. And I may have ugly cried for quite a while.
Here is the important part. I can love myself through not being my best self. I can make apologies and remind myself that I’m showing my kids how to be humans rather than robots. I can fix the mess I made. But I can also lovingly learn about myself too.
Learn About Yourself
I learned that I’m not really angry about the pee on the carpet, but that I’m homesick. I learned that I’m lonely while my husband has been extra busy with work and extra responsibilities right now. I learned that I wish I had more social opportunities. I learned that I wish I had a village that would help me raise my kids. And that its okay to feel those things. There is nothing wrong with me for feeling lonely and alone. So today I cry a lot at random times and allow my body to process that feeling rather than resist it.
So the next time you are sitting on the edge of anger for a period of time, I encorage you to explore deeper. Explore with love and compassion for yourself. What is it that you need? What are you really feeling? Is it grief, sadness, loneliness, etc. It could be any emotion. I tend to be surprised by it when I finally figure it out.
Sometimes I don’t figure it out on my own. It requires the help of a life coach to help me see what my tricky brain is doing. So when you find yourself in that situation, reach out and I’d love to help you figure it out. The best way to get my help is to schedule a free call with me where we can discuss it. Click on this link to schedule.
Until Next Time
-Keira
