Tired of feeling like your relationship is mediocre? Read on to learn how to improve your relationship today. Bonus: You don’t even have to wait for your partner to change.
Redefine Relationships
Did you know that relationships are simply our thoughts about other people? If it was what they do or don’t do, then everyone would agree on your relationship status.
Think about it. Let’s say a husband sometimes yells at his wife. What kind of relationship is that? I bet for every person you asked, you would get a different answer.
One person might think it is fine because he is loving and caring the rest of the time. Someone else would call that abusive. Some might have pitty for the stress the husband is under at work. All while others pitty the wife on the recieving end of the yelling.
Even the definition of yelling varies from person to person. A slightly raised voice might be considered yelling to one while not to someone else.
Please don’t think I’m telling you your relationship is all in your head and its your fault if you feel abused. Or that it isn’t okay to feel like you are being abused. Please seek help if you are in an abusive relationship.
Create Your Relationship
That being said, you can have better relationships if you want without waiting for the other person to change. We can change how we think about our relationships. I’m not talking a toxic positivity type thinking either.
Let me give you an example from my life. For a long time (and sometimes it still creeps back in) I think that my husband chooses work over me. That thought feels horrible! It leaves me resentful and offish.
But I worked to find a different thought to think when he is extra busy with work. I tried many different ones like “he loves us so much to support us financially.” My brain didn’t want to believe that. It wanted to argue that he could support us and make time with us a priority. That thought didn’t fit.
The one that made my relationship better is, “we are both trying to do our best.” He’s trying to do his best to meet expectations at work, support his family, and love us all while tired from a rigourous work schedule.
I’m doing my best to parent kids and hold down the home front while he is gone more. I’m doing my best to meet my own needs instead of waiting for him to fulfill them.
The Change in Your Relationship
When I think this about his crazy busy work seasons, I show as a different person. I wonder how his day was instead of avoid him out of frustration when he finally comes home. I may think of ways I can put a smile on his face through out the day. Where I used to stew on how much it hurt that he picked cows over his family.
Now I find us watching a tv show snuggling at the end of the day when we are both exhausted instead going to bed not talking to each other.
It was a simple thought change, that changed my marriage for the better. I didn’t force thoughts that I didn’t believe, or try to go to extreme positivity. I simply kept trying on thoughts until I found one that I already believed.
Sometimes Help is Required
This process wasn’t easy for me. It took me someone else (my life coach) showing me what I was doing for me to see it. Then it took me time to find the right thought. I tried on many thoughts, asked my coach for ideas, and finally found one.
Having a life coach can help us discover ourselves on a whole new level. If you are ready to take yourself to a deeper level then book a free discovery call with me. Let’s chat about about your pain points in your life and/or your goals. We will discuss how life coaching might be useful and then you get to decide if you want to persue it or not.
Let’s make your life better, without waiting on others to change.
Until Next Time
– Keira
