Do you ever get “overstimulated” by all the noise in your house? Wish you had a better way of dealing with all the kid noise that is driving you up the wall? Read on to explore some different approaches to the noise.
I don’t know about you but there are a few places and times in life are just too noisy for me. I get overstimulated by all the noise. The three biggest ones for me are playdates, dinner/bedtime, and in the car after about an hour. The noise triggers me and I just want to explode or run away. Anyone else ever feel that way?
It’s my belief that two things could be happening. One is sensory overload and the other is a thought error. I tend to have some of both. Let’s explore how to make these situations easier on us as mamas.
Sensory Overload from Excess Noise
We’ve all heard of our five sense (we technically have eight, but that’s for another day). Picture each person having a cup for each of their senses. They range in all different sizes. For our bodies to feel quote unquote normal they need to be full but not overflowing.
So lets take auditory or hearing for example. If your cup is small, it’s going to fill up quicker than someone else’s and over flow. Our nervous system gets dysregulated when it overflows. Think of a toddler screaming covering his ears in a public bathroom when the toilet flushes or the air hand driers turn on. This can also happen to you when all the kids are needing you at the same time, saying mom five million times while you are trying to make dinner.
When this happens calming our nervous system down can be helpful. I’m not an expert on the nervous system, but here are a few things that have helped me re-regulate my body from lots of noise: wear ear plugs, send kids into another room or outside for a few minutes (or step into a quiet room or closet), tell myself I am safe, take some deep breaths, and/or process the feelings that are coming up for me. (Don’t know how to process your emotions yet, check out this blog post for more info.)
Thought Errors During Noisy Times
The other problem may be from our thoughts. Let’s put this in a model. (If you want to learn more about the model read this blog post.) Let’s say we are in the car with four kids 12 and under for a 4 hour road trip. Kids are fighting and crying and you are going crazy. Our model might look something like this.
Circumstance: Two hours into road trip with four kids. 8 and 5 year old are speaking to each other at higher than normal volume
Your Thought: My kids should be able to get along by now.
Feeling: Frustration
Your Actions/Inactions: Think about all the ways your kids don’t do what they should, snap at kids, make empty threats, think about how this is an awful day, threaten to not take them to do fun things again in the future, yell louder than your kids are yelling to get their attention, worry about how you are doing the parenting gig wrong
Your Result: You aren’t getting along with yourself or kids
So in this model, the thought, “My kids should be able to get along by now” is causing your frustration. Not the actual noise or kids behaviors. Think about grandma riding in the car with the kids instead of you. The exact same circumstance can be going on, but she might be thinking I love watching these kids learn how to resolve conflicts. Her model would look like this:
Circumstance: the same- two kids arguing on a road trip
Grandma’s thought: I love watching these two kids learn how to resolve conflicts
Feeling: happiness
Actions: give them ideas on how to resolve the disagreement, enjoy the car ride, think about how well kids learn from real life experience, etc.
Grandma’s Result: Grandma enjoys teaching grandkids about conflict resolution
So while we want to blame the kids fighting in the backseat for our frustration, it is actually how we are thinking about the kids fighting that causes us frustration. So if we want to we can change our thoughts to create a different feeling and experience for us. You could think what grandma is thinking or something more neutral like “its normal for siblings to fight.” Or we can keep the thought we have and take ownership that we are causing our own frustration and just feel the frustration. When you realize that you are the creator of your feelings then you have the power to create the experience you want. Best news ever! No longer are we waiting on others to change, so we can be happy.
If you want help learning how your thoughts are affecting your everyday life, book a free discovery call with me. I’d love to help you learn more.
Until Next Time
-Keira
