Do you have a child with anxiety? Are you at a loss for how to help them? Let me teach you how to walk them thru their anxiety.
Is it bad for kids to have anxiety?
Are you like most parents who feel it’s their job to make sure their kids are happy all the time. If so, let me blow your mind. It is not your job to make sure they are happy all the time. In fact, life is 50/50. That is 50 percent good emotions and 50 percent bad emotions. Without the bad, we can’t enjoy the good. If we try to push away the bad emotions we are also pushing away their good emotions.
So allow them to have the full human experience of both good and bad emotions. Emotions aren’t really bad or good. They have no moral meaning to them. But that is how we often talk about them, so I’m going to use those terms. Bad emotions might include sad, anxious, mad, disappointment, etc.
When we take away emotions, we take away opportunities for them to learn and grow while you are around to help them. Would you rather they have you around to help them thru their anxiety or experience on their own at college for the first time. I know I would rather be around to help walk them thru the process.
Helping them feel the anxiety.
My favorite way of helping kids deal with anxiety is to teach them not to be scared of it. It is our natural inclination to become anxious when someone around is anxious. But if we can stop for just a moment and choose to react differently, it can go a long ways for us. Remember where feelings come from? Our thoughts. So your child is anxious because of their thoughts. This is great news. It also means nothing has gone wrong. Gently remind your child its okay to feel anxious. It’s a normal human emotion.
The next thing we can do, is help them process their anxiety. Two weeks ago, we talked about how adults can process emotions. (Click here for that blogpost.) Its the same steps. Name the emotion, find it in your body, see what if feels like in your body, don’t judge it for being their, just allow it to come and go.
I have a child with regular anxiety. Here is how I help her walk thru her anxiety. I simply ask her what she is feeling. If she doesn’t know I might give some suggestions to choose from based on her body language. I then tell it’s okay to feel anxious or whatever emotion. Start asking questions about it feels like in their bodies. Where is it at? Does it have a color? Does it move or hold still? Is it squishy, sloshy, or hard? What shape is it? Then I remind her again its totally fine to feel anxious.
I might walk her thru this process once or multiple times as it comes up again. Just remind yourself its ok your child is feeling anxious. It’s their brains just trying to protect them. That is one of your brain’s main jobs.
When to seek professional help.
Sometimes anxiety isn’t just a thought loop they are having. Sometimes it caused by a chemical imbalance in their brain. So how do we know when they need professional help? I recommend talking to someone (pediatrician, therapist, or meds doctor) about it when it is affecting their quality of life regularly.
For example, my anxious one was having a hard time doing things we did regularly due to anxiety. Things like attending church, going to school, or meeting new people. This may look different for your kiddo. Trust your mama gut and when in doubt check it out. Processing the anxiety can still help even if it is a chemical imbalance, but it may not be everything he/she needs for support.
If you are dealing with a child who struggles with anxiety, sign up for a Complimentary Discovery Call. I can help you be okay or at least neutral about their anxiety, so you can show up for them in the most helpful way.
Until Next Time
-Keira
