Circumstances vs. Facts
Circumstances or facts can’t change how we feel. We think they can. We try to change them all the time to make us feel better. Have you tried changing your weight, where you live or work, how many hours a day you spend with your kids, husband, or friends? This is the human brain trying to sell us on the idea that if that thing changes, then I can feel _____.
What are you trying to feel? I personally am trying to feel peace, happiness, or content usually. If I loose that weight then I can be happy. If I had a cleaner home then I could have peace in my life. If I didn’t live 60 miles from town, then I could be content in life. See how tricky our brains are. Those seem like facts, but they wouldn’t hold up in a court of law. Not everyone would agree on them.
What Circumstances Can’t Do
Best news ever, we can feel what we want to feel without changing any of the circumstances. I can be happy right now before losing weight. Content is possible without moving. Peace isn’t caused by my house being magazine clean. Feelings are caused by our thoughts about the circumstance. (If you want more details on this check out How Life Coaching Works.) This is why different people can feel differently about the same thing.
One mom might feel happy that her toddler is snuggly while another might feel annoyed by it. Some people love a pristine, clean home while others feel nervous in it. So if the circumstance doesn’t change how we feel, then why do we try to change it so often?
The Power of Our Thoughts
Our brains have three jobs: seek pleasure, keep us alive, and conserve energy. I brain believes it would be easier to move or loose weight than face the unknown of our feelings. It’s all proof that our brains are working just like they should.
And we get the choice of whether or not we like the default setting in our brains. Its kind of like getting a new phone. You don’t usually leave all the settings, apps, and alarms just the way they came. You customize it to get you the results you want. We can do the same with our brains. Change the thoughts around a little to get us the results that we want to achieve.
So lets say I want to feel happy right now about my body. I can think of all the things my body does for me and has done for me. It got me thru four hard pregnancies and created my children. It took care of the extra calories that I ate, so I didn’t get sick. It moves and allows me to do things, etc. The list can go on and on. The circumstance “my body” stays the same, but instead of thinking “I’m fat” I think I am grateful for my body. This change in thought makes me feel happy rather than depressed.
How about where I live. I often find my thoughts wishing I lived in town or within 10 miles of town. It leaves feeling resentful of my husband’s career choice, loathing where I live, and a victim of my circumstance. I don’t enjoy feeling this way and I’m not willing to leave my husband to move to town. So I can change everything, without changing the circumstance. I am working on changing my thought to how can I get what I need while living here? With this empowering question, I have discovered Marco Polo to have a social life, different on-line exercise classes that I enjoy, ways to entertain my children to give me a break, and many more. I create a feeling of contentment with that thought rather than the resentment.
Now Make A Choice
Then from a quote unquote positive emotion, decide if you want the circumstance to change. You might decide not to change it or you might decide to change it. For example, I choose not to change where I live, but I am still choosing to change my body weight.
What circumstances is your brain trying to talk you into changing? If you need help coming up with different thoughts book a Complimentary Discovery Call. I’d love to help you on your journey.
Until next time
– Keira
