Am I the only one who gets off of Instagram thinking I’m the crappiest mom out there? I’m not curing my son’s autism with his diet. Allowing kids to express themselves, instead pushing behaviors on them isn’t my natural go to. I’m not available to co-regulate all the time. In fact, I have many days like today where I want to run away and hide instead of handle one more meltdown. I’m not excited to have another snow day trapped inside with four kids. So how can I become a good mom?
Definition of a good mom
Where does the definition of a good mom even come from? Google had lots of articles on how to be a good mom, but there was no definition from Webster or dictionary.com. When I started my motherhood journey, I believed that good moms stick to a frugal budget, make homemade delicious meals, always have a clean house, car, and yard, makes sure that everyone looks picture ready all the time, loves doing the things my kids do, creates perfect holidays, and sacrifices anything and everything for my children. Is this what you think of? Maybe you have more to add to my list.
That definition came implied rules that I grew up with. Some came from my own mom who is an amazing cook and bargain shopper. So unbeknownst to any of us, I internalized that makes a good mom. Pinterest and commercials helped me learn how my home, family, and holidays should look. Then you start reading parenting books or listening to podcasts or attending church, and bam I’m supposed to serve, love, and do all the things for my kids. But have we really defined what a good mom is yet?
Your Definition
What if you get to define what a good mom is for you? It’s not how your kids feel, or your in-laws judge you, or anyone else. But truly take a moment and ask yourself what makes me a good mom. Regardless of how everyone else acts or feels, how do I know if I’m being a good mom. It’s going to look different for every single mom out there. Maybe it means you show up with unconditional love for you and them? Or you are teaching them life skills (even if they choose not to learn them). Maybe it’s showing up everyday right where you are at mentally and emotionally? Perhaps it modeling being 100% human (half hot mess and half got it all together). Maybe it is gourmet healthy foods for every meal? Or a clean and tidy home? But you get to decide for you.
Best News Ever
When you decide how to measure if you are being a good mom or not, you get to set down all the pressure from others. For me, being a good mom means showing up and loving everyone in my family. Somedays that means, my kiddos watch Wild Kratts all day long while I journal, relax, and soothe my own nervous system. Other days that means I am teaching them the life skills they need, or advocating for their needs, or playing Candy Land again (cringe), or helping them soothe their nervous system during a meltdown.
Deciding for yourself what a good mom is sets you free. Without all the implied rules putting pressure on you, you have so much more mental energy to really be the mom you want to be. You validate yourself, instead of waiting for your mother in-law to tell you good job. Or Instagram, Pinterest, or the elderly person at the grocery store who has an opinion.
Sign up for an explore coaching call if you are ready for the luxury of deciding for yourself what a good mom is.
