Mama, are you feeling stuck and like you can’t make progress in your life? Do you have something you have been working on for a years and its still a struggle for you? Read on to learn three tool to deal with being stuck.
Feeling Stuck in Life
Last night I was scrolling Facebook and this popped up in my memories.
I read it and immediately went into feeling shame for still being in this fight for my children. Not feeling like I’ve made enough progress for them. Feeling like a failure for still dealing with this challenge in my life.
That is when I decided I didn’t want to believe I am a failure and feel shame. So, I reminded myself that life isn’t meant to be perfect. We don’t have life coaching or other self development tools to make ourselves perfect. We have them to experience the whole human experience. Half the time life is full of good emotion and half the time they are filled with negative emotion.
We often think the purpose of life is to overcome all the negative. Just think positive or show gratitude and life will be better. But that isn’t always healthy. There are things we want to have negative emotions about.
Tool 1:
Recently in my own life coaching call, I learned a new tool for this. If I was watching a movie of my life, does it make sense that the character would be feeling that way? In my case yes it makes sense that I am confused by all the different opinions on how to help my neurodivergent children. Or that I am frustrated that the school system cares about their education and “behaviors”, but not their mental health status.
Tool 2:
The second tool to dealing with not making progress, is to be okay where you are at. It is amazing the progress that can be made when we just accept where we are at. For me that is acknowledging that I am still grieving what I thought my children would be like and “that’s ok.” It’s acknowledging that I let other people’s opinions of my parenting trigger my thoughts of not doing a good enough job. And “it’s ok” that I doubt myself.
I need to lean into those emotions instead of resist them. When you resist emotions they grow in intensity and size. Making them harder and harder to handle or hide. But instead we just need to allow the emotion to be there. I carry in my pocket doubt and anxiety anytime I take my kiddos out in public. They just come with me like my Chapstick. I name them in my mind, recognize how they feel in my body, and shut off my brain around the emotion. Our bodies naturally know what to do with emotions if we let them.
Emotions are kind of like waves on a beach. They come and go. They usually last up to 90 seconds if we don’t resist them. Sometimes they are stronger and other times they are smaller. But its natural and normal for them to come and go. The ocean still functions fully despite having waves. In fact there are probably benefits to having waves on the beach.
Tool 3:
The third is to make a list of what progress you have made. Maybe you are aware of the problem now? Or perhaps you are now compassionate with yourself around this issue now? My guess is that you have made more progress than you think you have. Our brains naturally look for danger. It’s job is to keep us alive. So the brain likes to focus on all that you need to do still and ignore all that you have done. You’ll be amazed at what you have actually done on working towards this problem.
For example, last night my brain wanted to go to you are still fighting for school accommodations for your son. But what it didn’t recognize until I stopped and looked for it was: My ADHD daughter has a 504 at school, is in therapy, social groups, on medications, has increased her reading scores, is able to make friends, and so much more all in a year’s time. My son that I am still fighting for is: advocating for his own autism, going to Pre-K, rides a bus, is doing all this without mom, asks for gum when he needs to stim instead of chewing on his shirt, attending occupational therapy, learning more about emotional regulation, and so much more.
Take a few minutes to look at what progress I’ve actually made took me from shame and failure to commitment to continue.
I’d love to help you apply these tools in your life. Simply schedule a FREE examine coaching call and I’ll walk you thru this personally in your own life. Can’t wait to meet you!
