When Your Husband Says Something Mean
The other day I was working with a client on her relationships. Everything felt so heavy and hard. She didn’t know what she wanted to think or believe around her relationship. She knew she loved her husband and wanted to be with him, but she also knew it felt hard to be with him.
In an attempt to have a great relationship, they had some vulnerable conversations. They both said things that were personal and hard to share. But after these conversations, she felt bad. So we explored it in a coaching session together.
Help of a Life Coach
As we explored, we learned where she was adding to the facts with her own story. (Which we all do.) For example, he said he found it irritating when she did certain things. So we seperated the facts from the story. The facts were what he actually said, “I sometimes find it irritating when you do that.”
But her story was he doesn’t want to spend time with me because he finds me irritating. From this place of self pity she would withdraw from him when he was around, feel unsure of their relationship, and ultimately act in a way that was irritating.
I was able to point out the fact that he never said she was irritating. And if she wasn’t irritating then that didn’t mean he didn’t want to spend time with her. If she is worth spending time with, then she behaves differently. She can avoid the one thing that irritates him, but she can if she chooses and still show up as herself. As herself, she isn’t acting weird and offish. Instead she might be flirty, initiate conversations, and not be afraid to be with him.
How This Helps You
So when you are in the middle of a hard circumstance that feels impossible, look for the facts. The things that could be proven in a court of law or that EVERYONE would agree upon.
Once you have the facts found, compare your story to the facts. Is your story helping you feel the way you want to feel? If not, how can you look at it differently?
Sometimes we are too involved in our own lives to be able to pick out the facts from the story. When you find yourself in this situation, life coaching can be very beneficial. A life coach can help you seperate out your facts and explore them. If you need a life coach to help you, schedule a free 30 minute call with me by clicking on this link. Together we can start making progress towards feeling better. You don’t have to be alone in this. I’m here to help.
Until Next Time
-Keira
