Circumstance (C):
Life coaching can make change easy. The coaching method I use is called the model as created by Brooke Castillo. It starts with the circumstance or the facts of the situation. The circumstance is neutral.
Thought (T):
When you have a thought about the circumstance it now has meaning.
Feeling (F):
That thought or meaning about the circumstance creates an emotion in your body. Emotions are created through chemicals and sensations in the body. Our bodies naturally know how to handle them.
Actions (A):
Your feelings then drive your actions.
Result (R):
Your actions create your result. It usually is some form of the thought.
Example:
Husband’s model
C: Husband walks in house, wife is making dinner, helping kids get backpacks put away, and handling kids elevated voices.
T: I should make my wife happy.
F: Inferior
A: Get on his phone, judge wife for being frustrated, do housework trying to make wife happy, be snappy at kids, not speak up for what he wants/needs to do, stands around waiting to be told what to do, etc.
R: Husband makes sure he isn’t happy or enjoying his family life.
Exploration:
This thought of “I should make my wife happy” sounds like a lovely thought. But if we slow it all down, its not creating results that he wants in his life. He wants to enjoy life when he comes home from work. But instead he’s tip toeing around his wife and kids. He’s being irritated that is wife is flustered during this time of day making an assumption that she is unhappy in general. Plus he isn’t doing the things he would like to with his time off. In fact, he has even tried being home more often and it didn’t change anything. Interesting to notice without judgement of him.
Best News Ever:
When you can see how you are creating your life, then you can choose if you want to change it or not. This client doesn’t have to wait for his wife to be excited and cheerful while she does all the things at dinner and bedtime to feel better. He can simply decide that “I should make my wife happy” is a thought error.
Choosing Your Thoughts
Sometimes simply seeing how our silly brains are working is enough to create change. Other times we have to talk back to our brains. Imagine your toddler is running around the swimming pool, would you just let them? Probably not. You would redirect them. That is what we can do with our brains. This client can remind himself that wives can be frustrated sometimes and that doesn’t mean she is miserable. Or he can simply mentally ring a buzzer and say thought error when he notices himself thinking the thought.
New Result
So if this client comes home to the exact same situation, but instead thinks “she seems overwhelmed (and that’s ok).” Nothing changes, but everything changes. He doesn’t feel inferior, but instead might feel compassion. From compassion, he might give her a reassuring look. Jump in and help her with dinner or kids. Or he may choose to do what he needs or wants to get done without beating himself up over it. His new result is he makes his life ok.
That is the power of life coaching! Sign up for a FREE explore life coaching session where we can walk through one of your models, and you can experience everything changing without changing anything.
