Rock Bottom
Three years ago, we found ourselves snowed in. The kids and I stuck home while my husband came and went in the dark in a 4-wheel drive tractor to feed cows. It was like single parenting, he was gone so much. Kids didn’t go to school for two weeks, because of the road conditions. We ended up living in a one room apartment, all six of us. The day the weather was good enough for us to move back into our own home, our state shut down for Covid.
I was back home after not being there for six weeks, and now I was helping my kids doing virtual schooling. We live 60 miles from town and our closest neighbors are 30 minutes away. Bryant was in the busy season of calving. I was miserable!
Feeling so Lonely
One day while trying to lift everyone’s spirits we were jamming out to Disney songs. “Do you want to build a snowman?” from Frozen came on. I just started bawling! Here I was surrounded by kids, noise, and an endless to do list, but I was so LONELY! I had nothing to look forward to. Another day at home with my four kids and virtual schooling expectations.
The Solution to Lonely
This is when I decided that I needed something for myself. But what did I want? I had no idea! I thought I wanted my husband to not work so much, my kids to all be in school, and my family to want to hang out with me. That was not bringing me joy. If anything I was picking fights with Bryant and feeling more lonely.
So I decided that it was okay to want something that didn’t benefit my family. That I could be my own person. I started small and with extreme honesty. I owned what I wanted to eat for dinner without apology and it grew to wanting to go back to school. I went back to school to get a degree to be a counselor.
As I continued going to school, I changed my mind and decided to be a life coach. I started having my own political, religious, and personal views. Some challenging what I grew up believing to be fact. I was learning who I am!
Knowing Who I am to Avoid Lonely
Fast forward three years and we are having another hard winter. I spent a month with the kids Air BNB hopping, so that my kiddos could make it to school. Bryant was back at the ranch taking care of cows with 60 miles of closed roads between us.
This presented its own challenges. But it also brought about great learning on a personal level. I discovered that I am my own person and Bryant is his. We have our own interests and love being together! We both make sacrifices to be together.
But we are separate individuals who take care of our own needs and desires, and then come together just to love each other. When we are our own whole person, its easier to enjoy our spouse and children. They don’t have to do certain things for us to feel good. We don’t have manipulate them, resent them, or shame them into behaving how we want them to, so we can feel better.
I love the peace this brings to my life without changing the people in my life. I love who I am and I don’t resent others for not meeting my needs anymore. If you want this same peace in your life, then start getting to know yourself. Start small and work up to bigger things. Question why you do everything you do. Don’t do it if you don’t want to. This is the first step to achieving that peace in your own life.
If you want to keep going on this journey, book a FREE explore coaching call. I would love to help you complete this journey and find that peace in your life.
Until next time!
– Keira
