What is Self Discovery
Are you feeling lost and like a slave to all the little humans in your house? Then self discovery is for you! Self discovery is defined as discovering something about yourself. You might be asking, “Don’t I already know myself?” But we are like layers of an onion. You may know yourself on the surface, but how deeply do you know yourself. If you are anything like me, I knew my kids and husband better than myself. I thought I just wanted them to be happy and taken care of. After years of that, I became resentful. And I didn’t know why I was so angry, bitter, and burnt out.
This is where self discovery is very beneficial. With an easy method to self discovery, I figured out what I resented, desired, and even a solution to my problem. I really started on this journey of self discovery three years ago. I haven’t discovered everything yet. Some things change and some things are hidden deep under many layers. The more I do this self discovery work, the more I’m freed as an individual. The more I understand me, the easier it is to be the me I want to be.
How: Compassionate Questions
I know you are thinking, but I don’t have time or money for self discovery. What if I told you it was totally free and something you can do while living your mom life? The simplest way to achieve self discovery is by asking the right questions. Our minds ask questions all the time and our brains answer them back without missing a beat. For example, my mind asks, “Why can’t I get my life in order?” And the immediate response back is because there is one of me and four of them. I will never be able to keep with FOUR of them.
Turn it around
So instead of asking myself “why can’t I get my life in order,” I want to come up with a question that will benefit my life. I might ask what little tasks can I do easily to make my life easier? Or in what ways am I capable of and/or have I kept up with four of them? Now my mind has something useful to answer.
Oh yeah, I never let them go to school naked, hungry, or without a coat. I got them to all of their medical appointments last year. I keep them them all alive and out of danger on the daily. I usually have clean laundry and dishes for them everyday. I take time to research anxiety, ADHD, and Autism, so I know what resources I want to use to help them. See how I’m doing better than I think I am.
Now, I can ask more questions. I could ask why do I think my life is a mess? Am I really supposed to have it all together? What do I want my life to look like? What are my priorities? There is always more to discover. You can never run out of questions.
Compassion Always
Any time we do self discovery work, we have to do it with compassion. We are all humans doing our very best at any given moment. Sometimes our best isn’t something we are proud of. But let any thoughts come up and don’t judge them. Treat them like you are watching a movie about someone else. If we start judging our thoughts and selves then the things we are trying to discover go back into hiding. It’s like we are trying to pull boxes out of the basement to see what is in them. We carefully pull each item (or thought) out and take a look at it. Is this item useful or a distraction?
Example:
For many years now, I have lived far away enough from town that we do a town day once a week. All errands, appointments, and shopping are strategically fit into this 12 plus hour day. As you can imagine, grocery shopping is usually the very last stop and both kids and I are melting down in the store. I am wondering why I always end up screaming at my kids in public in the check-out line. So I have been asking myself compassionate, empowering questions. What is it that triggers me in the store? Whining, exhaustion, anticipating being done, hunger, etc.
Judgement of Self
For a long time, I would judge myself for being that way. Nobody else in the store has kids that are loosing their minds? I don’t see other moms snapping in the check out line. That little old lady over there obviously doesn’t remember what its like to shop with kids. Nobody else here has to remember everything today or go without it. In this space, I always stayed a victim to life, kids, location of my home, etc.
Compassion
But when I decided that I was doing my best as a mom in that moment with four kids all tired, hungry, and overstimulated is when my questions found answers. As I watched myself in a video with compassion, I saw a mom with undiagnosed ADHD of her own. She was struggling to stay on task, get all the little details perfect, while trying to keep undiagnosed neurodivergent kids from falling apart too. It was easier to that mom was really doing her best with the tools she currently had.
Keep asking questions
Now that I could have compassion for myself where I am at, I kept asking questions. What can I do to make it easier on myself? Grocery pick-up was a great simple solution. Meeting sensory needs for myself and kids prior to entering the store. Taking 30 more minutes to eat before the store instead of on the drive home. Allowing my younger kids to watch a cartoon on a tablet while I shop. The list is endless. But my brain can come up with useful ideas when I take time to ask compassionate, empowering questions.
So I encourage you to hold compassion for yourself as you ask empowering questions. If this seems too hard to do alone, that is exactly what a life coach does. They help you ask the right questions while holding compassion for you. I can’t wait to help you with this journey. Schedule an Explore Coaching Call now for FREE!
